We Gotta Grow

“What’s Momma zusing that plate for?”, Benny asked Seth as he went to check on him in bed last night. Lately, he wants us to keep the door open until he either falls asleep or we go to bed. He saw me carry a paper plate through the kitchen in which I’d be using for a painting project. I’ll get back to that.

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For the last few months, with everything going on (you know what I’m talking about), I’ve been trying to think how I want to parent.

I want my kids to love Jesus, know that He loves them and that He wants to be their friend. (That’s part one of the Gospel to a three year old.)

I want them to know that Jesus loves everyone, no matter what we look like. (Part two.) Yes. I’m talking about the color of our skin. Living in the Cove, it’s hard to explain to a three year old that there are people who don’t look like him when 99.9% of the people around him do. And with the things that are going on in this world and in this nation, my heart is screaming at me that I need to teach Benny and Lijah to love as Jesus did.

I want them to be creative and independent. To love the world around them and to find joy in it every day. To find adventure and try new things. To be confident in themselves and make decisions. If I’m being honest, I’ve deprived Benny of these things for awhile now.

Dare I say, I was a helicopter parent. I hated that. It took me way to long to realize I was harping on Benny over everything. Every little mess he’d make or every little mistake. For goodness sake, he’s three. He’s supposed to make messes and be messy and do the wrong thing sometimes. It’s how he learns who is and how to navigate the world.

So I came to the point where I was asking myself, “How do I smash Jesus, loving others and the world around them, and creative independence together?” The answer is something I’ve known about since college: Montessori Parenting.

I have to laugh because this is the definition of Montessori Parenting when you google it. “Montessori parenting is a relaxed parenting approach where toddlers are left to play freely, are not punished for being naughty, and are encouraged to sleep on the floor instead of in cribs [, raised beds], among other things.”

First of all, Benny sleeps in a bed. Not just a bed but his own bed all night, no problems. I am not touching that routine. Second, we do correct and redirect if he’s doing something he’s not supposed to do or if he’s doing something dangerous to himself or others. (This is a new approach from last week’s timeout strategy. He listens to us better now.)

There are so many positive things and benefits that have come from this for us. And we’ve only been doing it probably a week. With this approach in parenting I’ve learned to slow down and I actually enjoy letting Benny make his own choices. I’ve learned to take in moments throughout the day I used to find mundane. I’ve found myself speaking to God on a more regular basis. I’m not as stressed over little things that used to bother me.

I can tell that Benny has felt more confident in his decisions and he loves getting to make them. (He picks out his own clothes now, so if he’s ever wearing a questionable outfit, he chose it.) He’s more direct in what emotions he’s feeling. A huge help is that it’s become apparent to us that his love language is physical touch and pretty much anything can be cured with a hug before redirecting him after doing something wrong. He even played independently yesterday for an hour. Which is something I’ve never seen him do before. Ever.

I was still questioning how I could incorporate the reality that people are so incredibly diverse, into our every day setting. So, I took the time to work on a little project for Benny. Remember the paint plate? Ever since he started playing with tractors and cars, he’s always loved little people to sit on them and make them “drive”. So naturally I researched some smaller wooden people that he could play with and this is what I came up with.

Notice anything about all of them? If you need help I’ll tell you – They’re all white. And I know you may be thinking, “That’s just two sets, you need to keep shopping around.” Believe me. I tried. And to get more than six at a time that are diverse, you’re going to be spending an arm and a leg.

So naturally, I took things into my own hands and painted these little people. There are four sizes, but the smallest is a choking hazard for Lijah. Actually, they all are, but we can’t deprive Benny of every small toy.

This is literally a fraction of the little people I made. I painted 50 little people all different skin shades and different shirt/dress colors. The simplicity of them allows Benny to create, play, and imagine their jobs, emotions, and conversations.

I’m not saying any of this while patting myself on the back as a parent, because I have such a long way to go. But as parents, it is our responsibility to throw these doors open for our kids, because if we don’t enthusiastically do so, they’re not going to care about any of it. With all of this I say, be willing to grow, learn, and love right alongside your kids you’ll reap the benefits of it immensely.